I was told – of course I don’t remember – that I lived in five different states before I was 2 years old. Such is military life. I used to think it was all that moving around that caused me to have problems developing relationships with others. Just when I’d start to get to know some kid in the new neighborhood, we’d up and move again. I blamed most of my loneliness, shyness, and unhappiness on the lack of relationship skills that most everybody else had in their ‘normal’ lives.
Now I know that it was, in fact, all that moving around that gave me the great skills to be able to walk up to just about anybody and strike up a conversation. Because of my varied experiences in all those different locations, I was able to connect with people at any level (millionaire to homeless) and talk on just about any subject.
So why did I have trouble making friends? Why did I go through most of my life with less than a handful of close friends? And why do I seem to be one of the few people I know who doesn’t have some kind of life-long, childhood friend story to tell?
Because other experiences, which need not be delved into here, influenced me to be afraid of new people. I was afraid to talk with them; afraid to get to know them; afraid to let them know me; afraid they would not like me; and afraid that, even if they did like me, they would hurt me in some way.
Most people who know me now, have a hard time believing I was shy and introverted back then. Conversely, I remember at my ten-year high school reunion being met with curious and sometimes shocked looks from former classmates. Even though we were not all that close in school, I just walked right up to them and started a conversation. Okay, it might have had a little to do with the fact that my jumbo glasses had turned into contact lenses, but I think that was only part of it.
So what changed? I slowly worked my way out of the fear that kept me from engaging in life.
Where did that fear come from? Was I born with it? Did I learn it? Did it just show up one day? How did I get over the fear? Why did it take so long to get over the fear? Why wasn’t I taught the life skills necessary to deal with the fear and go over it when I was young, and so I didn’t drag it along with me throughout life? These are all great questions that would need a book to answer… maybe that will come soon.
In the meantime, to release a fear that is stopping you, you can try an old way of releasing it – which might involve some long drawn-out process that takes years of struggling, analysis and pain.
… Or, you can try a new way to go over your fear that makes the process of letting go enjoyable and peaceful. Which would you choose?
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.” ~ Mark Twain
Comments